Friday, July 18, 2014

Child molestation vs. fornication - Is one sin worse than the other? (Response to Vanessa Williams news and opinions about premarital sex)


Love All's stand against premarital sex and sexual abuse invoked both strong and mild reader responses yesterday. This online group wrote a status message that referenced Vanessa William's recent decision to go public about past sexual victimization. 

"You are supposed to be virgins until you get married," said Love All.

Both this statement opposing fornication and the astounding 90% statistics rate resulted in angry comments. One person even used the "F" word and another person called this page's administrator a "fearmonger." An additional poster said that there's no law saying that we have to be virgins until married. To me, the strong emotions conveyed using hurtful words seem to indicate a misunderstanding. To diffuse the argument, I used my own testimony as a way to help people understand the difference between sexual abuse and premarital sex. Before I share that, I will let you read the embedded post for yourself so you know exactly what people said. 

Here's the complete Facebook conversation (Go to Facebook to view this, or scroll below this to see just my testimony and conversation highlights): 

My thoughts on this status post:

Note: You can also jump to view Love All's replies to my post at any time. It's below my long testimony. 

I agree at least in theory that we should be virgins until marriage. I also understand that the statistics are meant to prove that more people end up sexually abused than we think.

Incidentally, I entered into a relationship three years ago without being married and I regret it. Furthermore, I like Vanessa Williams, made sexual decisions of which I'm not proud. I never molested children, but these sins could delay my chance of being with "the one" indefinitely.  

Still, I responded to some of  status messages on Facebook saying that we have to be careful not to put people who molest children in the same category as people who decide to have premarital sex. As harmful as fornication is, I would hate to think that 90% or better of the people I know would molest children. 

I highly doubt it. I also worried that Love All sounded too much like it's the victims' faults they were sexually abused. I wouldn't want it to be my fault that my dad and another man in my life abused me for years. 

Here's my complete response to Love All's status post (so long it required two screenshots, sorry! :)

Love All replied to my above post and it turned into a fruitful discussion: 

Love All Replies |  Back to Top

Glad "Love All" clarified one thing: Rape, molestation and sexual assault is wrong!

I felt better after this Facebook group explained that this kind of behavior is wrong. It also helps to know this online community doesn't think it's the victims' fault. I'm also hoping that my decision to comment on Love All's status message will help people who felt offended. Not everyone believes it's wrong to have premarital sex, but it doesn't mean they would molest children. 

With that in mind, I'll say I don't live a perfect, sinless life. I've also gone through several periods of discouragement within the past ten years. Some days, I don't even know what keeps me going anymore, but I know that sexual abuse is wrong. However, I never have molested a child or committed any kind of sexual offense against another person. 

I also know that sex before marriage is wrong, but I've unfortunately done that. No matter what kind of sexual sin we commit, it helps to keep us in check to make sure we live according to what God wants. Otherwise, we could eventually end up going on a journey we never thought we would. I admit I have some important changes to make in my own life. Also, I hope hope my opening up about my life will help other people realize that no one is perfect. 

Rape and sexual molestation is despicable, but to God all sin is equal.

I sometimes have a tough time accepting the fact that sexual perpetrators have a chance to make it into heaven. After all, they hurt an innocent person. It especially angers me knowing an offender harmed a child.

Still, God is God. He puts all wrongdoings into one category - all sin with equal weight. This doesn't mean that some don't have more severe consequences on earth. However, they all have the same fate after death.

Concerning sin, this scripture seems harsh but shows how every sin is equal:

"Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind; Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners: " will inherit the kingdom of God" will inherit the kingdom of God. ~Corinthians 6:9

Is there hope for any of us? We all probably have done at least one of these things.

"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God..." ~Romans 3:23. 

However, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." ~1 John 1:9

I know it's easier said than done though - repenting!

I've often felt extremely dirty inside because sexual sin sometimes was such a stronghold in my life. It's much harder to stop committing a habitual sin than just something we may have done just once and it doesn't take hold over us and allow us to stay stuck. 

However, we do have the power. With God's help, we can conquer any battle if we want the victory enough. 

1 comment:

  1. Nice post Julie.I hope all will read this and get understanding from the spirit of God...Very important in our time and the world..It just gotten out of hand now..


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