Monday, January 27, 2014

Who’s your Kryptonite and how Do you Conquer that Person?

© 2012 Debon Miles; taken from Wikimedia Commons.
Your “Kryptonite” is a person you’re drawn to no matter how low you feel when speaking to him/her. Otherwise it could be a parent who’s approval you desperately want but never will get. It could also be a co-worker who has more skills than you or that friend of yours you think is more attractive than you.

Examples from My Own Life

One of my main Ktryptonites is one of my past past high school boyfriends. He never treated me like I was worth the time of day except for the short time we were together. After that, he went on to hang out with the “cool” kids because apparently I might ruin his reputation. I'm making assumptions, I know. However, I can't help it. It just seemed that he cared far more about his social image than he ever did about me.

I remember a note he gave me back then, though. The last line of it said, “…Maybe my dad’s right. Maybe I can find someone better.” Still, within days he had a new girlfriend, so he must’ve thought that badly about himself.

A 20-Year Reunion Checkup

I had made quite a bit of emotional progress since high school, until I saw him a few years ago. I told him I forgave him and really wanted to trust him even though he abandoned me the way he did. 

However, I instead I became that insecure 16-year-old girl I once was. Seeing him set me way back emotionally and now I’m struggling to keep my head above water. It's sad, too. I once loved this person very much. 

Now, I'm working hard to regain the confidence I earned in my 20s and 30s – to feel again like I deserve better than the first guy I ever loved rejecting me. I feel like the only way I can maintain a positive self-esteem is if I stay away from or don’t talk to him.

My Other Primary Kryptonites

My mom and me came a long way in our progress. I think she deserves way more credit than I ever gave her for being the one to take an intitiave to go to school so we no longer had to live in poverty. And I love her very much.

However, we’ve had our shares of ups and downs over the past two decades. Although I don't anymore, I used to feel worthless because of some things she said to me. Still, at this point, she's the least of my worries and one of the most supportive people I know. She believes in me even though I probably don't feel like I even deserve for her to have faith in me right now.

Currently, my dad is the one who seems to still have a negative effect on me. It was far worse when I was younger, though. I used to believe everything my dad said to me whether it was true or not. He had this special power over me until I realized he treated me the worst of everyone I know, including my first boyfriend.

Therefore, perhaps my dad is my true Kryptonite. He did horrific things to me as a little girl, and in the process shaped my perception of myself as only being one who is good for sex and nothing else.

Conquer your Kryptonite (Renewing Your Mind)

You don’t have to kill anyone and you don’t have to make trouble for anyone. The hugest revenge against your Kryptonite is to defeat it with your mind. If you carry on in spite of what persons you care about say to you, the effect of their words becomes minimal.

Furthermore, find other people who will encourage you not put you down. Maybe you need a new mother or father figure or perhaps a mate more committed to you than any person who rejected you in the past. However, in all of this you have to remember something I had to learn: Who you’re with and who you hang around and how much money you have doesn’t determine your self-worth.

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