For most of my life I always had faith I’d come out ahead – that God would help me achieve emotional and financial stability despite all that has happened to me not only during the stage when it was still going on but for decades afterward. However, I confess one major area of weakness for me.
I always lacked faith in my ability to sustain a lasting, loving relationship. I even went out of my way to try to avoid being hurt.
To prevent a future divorce, I fixated on all the issues that could prevent me from having a successful relationship. As a result never married physically abusive man who cheated on me.
I also never ended up with any of the momma’s boys who I didn’t think were mature enough for marriage. However, I lived a life that included large periods of loneliness and emptiness – all while reading books on codependency and abuse.
Don’t get me wrong. I had plenty of fun times as a single person. However, it was only because I still had hope that one day I would meet the one.
However, I realize hope is not the same thing as faith. I never really had faith that the one would actually come and I still don’t.
I also now understand why people don’t wait for the one. It’s a very lonely existence. I would never wish this on anyone.