Not meant for people who haven't yet seen this movie, but it pertains to my life. Therefore, I make mention of it. People who have been through the trenches like me hopefully can appreciate what I have to say. I also want to say this is not about a personal salvation with Jesus. I received that when I was six years old. This is about an entirely different kind of redemption.
Why I Identify With The Shawshank Redemption
I forgot about Shawshank Redemption for a few years. I first saw it about eight years ago. I remember it being one of the best movies I ever saw, but until recently I hadn't remembered much about it.
For some reason, I had seen it three more times within the past two years. Someone I know well owns it and watched it twice just this week.
It's So Strikingly True, But Fiction
Supposedly, this movie is fiction. I just find that so hard to believe, because it seems like something that could actually happen.
My Life Feels Like Shawshank
I brought up this movie for a reason. I often feel like Andy Dufresne—sentenced for a crime I didn't even commit. However, a small part of the “institutionalization” effect I also feel. I'm not suicidal like Brooks the senior librarian was, but I grew to depend on my own prison like Red.
I was never in a physical prison, but it sure feels sometimes like I am in my own institution:
The memories replay the four walls
Of the room where I fought
Off his hands which were
The ball and chain
That kept me enslaved
The flashbacks renew my
Sentence year after year
No time off for good behavior
No time off at all
I try to escape but like Brooks
The walls follow me around
On the other hand I fight
Like Red hoping I will find
The kind of freedom Andy won.
It's Been That Long Ago?
I can hardly believe this movie was made so long ago. Shawshank Redemption was first released in 1994, but I didn't see it until after the New Millennium. However, it's been even longer than that since the abuse inflicted on me finally stopped. However, the movie keeps playing over and over again and it sometimes seems like just yesterday.
Will I Ever Get Out?
I believe I will. In fact, I did get out of this emotional prison for some time some years ago. However, sometimes people get out of prison only to return again. Like Brooks and Red, that's all they know unless someone teaches them any different.
Faith Is All I Have
I'm discouraged that my healing from sexual abuse didn't come as soon as I hoped. However, I feel so much freer since I made my story public. It gives me power and hope that I can beat this. Faith is all I have left.