Friday, October 5, 2012

Taking a Break to Ponder

I talked in one of my earlier posts about how I felt judged in my counseling session. It was because I told the counselor I decided to quite my morning cleaning account and keep my night one.

I didn't even get the chance to tell her it was because I want to continue to run my writing business. Is it so wrong for me to not want to just work a job the rest of my life? Is that so wrong?

She seemed way too concerned about how I was going to live because I decided to go back to part time on my job. I didn't like that. I decided to take a break from her to ponder whether she is the right one to see or not. I'm learning towards "no" because I can get judged for free I don't have to pay to be judged.

I'm realizing I may be all alone in some decisions. However, if I'm going to pay to see a counselor, it's going to be one that really does believe in me. If I detect any disbelief or judgment on that person's end I can't have that person counseling me.

However, I do realize...

At some point I will have to be told things I don't want to hear. I just didn't expect the therapist I was working with (and am not sure if I still will be working with) to push me so hard after only the second session.

I think she should've been more sensitive to the fact that I already had to make a lot of changes-move out from the place I was living in with my ex, try to take on more work hours, stop drinking (so much), and then deal with personal crisis. I just don't think she was in tune to that at all.

I mean, she was so absorbed in her initial consultation questionnaire that she couldn't even see that I had more pressing issues going on. I'm thinking more and more this is a terrible fit and I have to find another.

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