Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Already Hating It (The Counseling)

I'm already hating the counseling and I've only gone to my second session so far. If I want to get judged, criticized, or advised I can do that for free. All I have to do is talk to anyone I know who is incredibly negative.

Okay, so it's not exactly that bad, but almost. I just don't understand how the counselor can have me set goals, but then try to feed me all these "options." I don't like that at all. I really don't. Why can't people just steer me in the right way to accomplish what I want to accomplish not what they want me to accomplish?

Is that too much to ask? For instance, if I say I want to continue my business then why talking to me about trying to get a full time job? Doesn't anyone ever listen to me? Doesn't anyone even care in the slightest bit what I want??

It doesn't help much that the only reason I'm seeing this counselor is because of a grant that helps people who have been sexually abused. I feel like such a burden as it is and then to feel like just because I pay so little for that advice I get that I have to take it. That's how I feel-whether that is reality or not.

I am just so sick of being judged. I really am. She doesn't even know me. I know what I want to do and I'm going to do it, even if I don't get my counselor's approval-which is JUST great. One more woman trying to put me down, that's the last thing I need!

(She might not be really putting me down, but I'm not sure I can trust her with other issues I haven't even told her yet. It's all because of her judging me on superficial matters, such as the fact that I decided not to work full time at my job. Shhh! Don't anyone tell my mom, either. LOL)

An Aside...

I might also have to tell her that I'm doubting it's a good idea for me to see her. The main reason why is her supervisor some years back was my counselor. I stopped seeing that former counselor because she proceeded to tell me about a recent death of someone she knows.

I felt bad for that former counselor who is now my current counselor's supervisor. However, I terminated that previous professional relationship because I wanted to get help from someone who wasn't going to dump her problems on me.

The counseling session is supposed to be my time! No matter how little I pay for it, it is intended to be for me to talk and her to listen, not the other way around. I'm not there to be a friend, but rather a patient.

When I think about it though, the above scenario is one more reason why I should try to make more money. Maybe then I would be able to take care of myself and get the help I need without feeling like such a burden-and of all clients she chose me to dump on!

Back to Now...

I have no idea what to say to this present counselor. I'm not sure if it will be a conflict of interest or not to tell her why I stopped the counseling who is now her supervisor. I'll ponder this and see, I guess.

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