Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Weekend My Grandma “Went Home”

The same weekend that my grandma went to be with the Lord I was moving my belongings out of my apartment. I remember resting in between trying to move my belongings and clean out my place that for a few minutes or an hour here and there.

During one of my moving breaks, I was filled with the usual anxiety I would always feel about wanting to make time to see her again. I really wanted to that weekend, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It could be because I was wondering when her time would come, and had this feeling it could be very soon. After all, about six months prior (the weekend of her 93rd birthday) I had a dream she passed away.

Here time was coming, but I was unsure if I could handle being there to watch her slip away. Still, I did pray quite a bit for her. 

About my Prayers for Grandma

For years I would cry out to God, “Please give me one more chance to see her again.” I would pray this during times when I didn't even have a car or any bus money to make it there to see her.

However, that is not the prayer I prayed the weekend that her soul actually did leave her body. My prayer was different this time probably because I never felt so convinced that this could be her time.

Before I tell you my exact prayer, I want to tell you: 

I felt in my heart very strongly that it may be time that I let her go to be with grandpa and to be with the Lord. I also started to feel very selfish for wanting to keep her here on this earth for so long when she could have the chance to be in a much better place.

Therefore, the day before I heard news she was rapidly slipping away I prayed to God, “God! Please take my grandma home!”

Within a day in a half at the most God did answer that prayer. Aside from feeling selfish for not wanting to let her go to a better place, I am glad I prayed for my grandma to have the chance to go home.

The reason why I am glad I prayed that prayer is because I wanted at least this one little bit of closer in life amidst all kinds of chaos and trauma I had endured. At least it was one thing I could be at peace about-that my grandma could finally have the New Life she deserves. 

I also wanted to no longer feel the anxiety I would feel wondering if I would get one more chance to see her again. I wanted to just finally let her go knowing that this doesn't necessarily have to be the last time I see her, just maybe it will be quite awhile before I do enter the New Life with her.

About my grandma:  She was born on September 5th 1916 and she passed away on July 2nd, 2011. I believe she lived a long and fruitful 94 years, in spite of the fact that not many people understood why she had to live with Alzheimer's for over 30 years. Her presence will always be missed by those who loved her. 

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