There are people who do know about the things that happen to me (and if you don’t know I am not going to come out and tell you but you probably can figure it out). All I can say to these people is, “If you only realized how embarrassing it is that I suffered the traumas I did!”
If people only realized that survivors of all kinds of abuse get tired of being recognized or known by the type of abuse that was inflicted to me maybe my life would be better. If only people realized that there is more to me than just my problems I feel like I would be so much better off.
I must admit it is partly my fault because I am sometimes way too transparent, but still…
The news of the traumas I bore is not only shameful to the perpetrators but it also is shameful to me-the one having been perpetrated.
I find that I often experience one of four things in my life:
- I get treated like I am not normal and I get ostracized, as if the things that happened to me were my fault.
- People feel excessively sorry for me and feel the need to baby me.
- I get treated like someone who is incapable of living a normal life.
- People close to me feel blamed because they “didn’t see it coming” or didn’t do anything about it at the time.
My response to the above four scenarios:
People just please stop! Please! I am almost 37 years old and maybe it’s obvious that I still have issues. But seriously just let me live my life and find my own way already.
It may seem like to some people I want to be known as a poor, pitiful victim all my life. But the truth is I don’t. I would rather just forget about the whole thing.
I also want to say to the people who feel sorry for me or to the people that feel blamed. Please don’t blame yourself, because blaming yourself only makes it worse.
However, if people continue to try to baby me and give me a crutch than there is no way I will ever find my own place in this world. I work just as hard as everyone else. I deserve and want to succeed and make it just like anyone else.