Sunday, March 27, 2011

Am I Ungrateful?

I have wondered sometimes if I am ungrateful. I sometimes might appear that way to other people as well. But I try to tell people the reason why it is hard to be grateful at least. I mean, nobody wants to be put in a position where they feel helpless.

Or at least a majority of people do not. Everyone wants to believe that they are capable of more than what people think they are. It can be hard though being under so much pressure to try to be someone I am not.

That happens to everyone though I realize. I also realize life never turns out the way people hope. Still, do I have to feel guilty all the time? I mean, just because other people have had crappy lives doesn't mean that I have to have a crappy life does it?

I any case, some people probably think I am ungrateful. However, it really is just the fact that almost everyone who has tried to help me has also tried to control me.

I really do want to take responsibility for my own life. It’s just not easy to do it when people are breathing down my neck all the time. Or at least that is what it feels like they are doing.

If only people realized how badly I want to succeed. If people only realized how hard I really work. If people would just let me be responsible for my own life from now on. I mean, people worry excessively about me and all that does is cripple me even more.

What is done is done is what I say. The past is the past and I would rather leave it alone. Leave it alone and just move on.

Let me be, and let me figure out for myself who I really am. Let me figure out for me and myself and I what I believe, how I want to live, and what is important to me.

I no longer am a child. I no longer need to be told this or that as far as thinking is concerned. I am an adult and have the right to think for myself.

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