Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sick of it!!The Abuse Healing Journey

**Warning: Possible Mild Trigger**
Many people are on the abuse healing journey. It can be a touch road sometimes, no matter what kind of abuse was inflicted on the person. Anyone who has suffered any kind of put-downs or physical or sexual abuse or any kind of psychological or mental abuse of any kind can identify with how challenging dealing with this can be sometimes.
The Frustration of it: I'm Sick of it!!
I know I myself used to talk about the terrible things that happen to me way too often at one time in my life. I got so sick and tired of talking about it after awhile though. I got so sick and tired of people knowing about it and if I could take it back I think I would have told less people about the things that had happened to me.
You wanna know why I wish no one knew about my past (abuse that happened to me)??
It's because oftentimes people look at me in a much different way after I tell them the things that happen to me. As if it is my fault or as if...I don't know. It could be me sometimes though. I often would feel very exposed after telling people the secrets of my past.
I often regret telling people about the things that happen to me in my past (abuse) though for one other reason...
It can be used against me. It often is used against me. Guys I dated assumed I would not be able to enjoy married life just because of the abuse that happened to me. Every little problem I had was always attributed to the terrible things that took place in my life.
After awhile it just gets a little bit old. I personally sometimes wish it would just all go away. However, there is no way to escape the past. No matter how hard a person tries it just cannot be done.
The only way through hell is through it unfortunately. Which is why I like that country song that has these words that stick in my mind...
"If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there."
It is so true and it gives people who are working through abuse recovery some hope. Oh, and by the way I should admit that at one time in my life I was making great progress and every time I started to make progress in the abuse healing area...I got scared of the responsibility of being healed from past abuse (no matter what kind it is)...
I knew that I was going to have to deal with other people who had that problem once I was healed from all the past abuse that happened to me. However, it seemed easier to just NOT deal with it. The reason why is because if I don't deal with my own abuse then I don't have to have the responsibility of helping other people with their problems, because sometimes it is just way to disturbing and I get tired of having to be associated with past abuse.
The last thing anyone who has suffered past abuse (no matter what kind of abuse it is) wants to do is...get healed and then...
Have to spend the rest of their human lives having to talk to other people and deal with other people who have that problem. It feels like it would be like living through it over, and over, and over, and over again.
However....I realize this is a very selfish attitude and perhaps I would not feel this burden if I truly was healed...
I must admit that perhaps I really had been selfish most of my life. Running away from past abuse seems easier than dealing with it. However, everyone needs to face it head on and get past it in order to have a better life and a better future.

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