One of my all-time favorite movies-whether it is Christmastime or not-is the ever-popular ever-meaningful It's a Wonderful Life. I am bringing this up because there is something that many people may not realize about me, and I am going to use George's attempted suicide scene to explain what I mean. (NO I am NOT the suicidal one by the way!!)
An Illustration: About how Clarence, George's Guardian Angel Jumped in the Water to Save George
George Bailey realizes after talking to Potter, the huge town aristocrat, that he really is 'worth more dead than alive." This realization came when Mr. Potter who owns just about every property in town asked George if he had any collateral and all George has is a $15,000 life insurance policy.
After George realizes that he is at the end of his rope financially while his father's bank is on the brink of bankruptcy, he runs out to the bridge while it is snowing outside. Incidentally, it is Christmas Eve (or New Year's Eve??) when George does this. He is about to jump when a clown of an angle shows up-Clarence who happens to be the 'black sheep' of guardian angels so to speak.
Clarence beats George to the jump in the river, as Clarence being an angel knew that George was suicidal. Clarence the guardian angel jumps in and cries out, "Help me! Help me!" He cries in such a high-pitch voice almost like someone of course who is being drowned against his will.
George did not realize Clarence the angel jumped into the water on purpose, and it was not that Clarence just fell in. Therefore, (as planned by Clarence) George jumps in to save Clarence, because it would be natural of most humans to want to save another.
Then, while talking on dry land and warming up and drying off in a warm room Clarence tells George that he 'jumped in to save you." (Mainly because Clarence knew that perhaps George may possibly at least still have a little hope and will to live if he did not want anyone else to die).
George did not understand this concept of 'jumping in to save you' at first. George also did NOT believe Clarence was his guardian angel. But the point is Clarence jumped in to save George so that George would not end his life. The plan works, but then the 'fun' continues.
Then, of course George is shown throughout the movie how wonderful life is. That is, that George really did have an impact on the world around him and he was shown what life would have been like if it were not for his existence.
What this Means to Me: How I am and Who I am (My Purpose in Life)
The above scene from the movie It's a Wonderful Life is in some ways how I am with other people. I've never jumped in the water on purpose or anything of that sort. I am not sure I would go that far. However, I have been always very transparent with people-too transparent at times-about what is going on in life and what is bothering me. That to me is like 'jumping in the river to save George.'
**Let me explain further...
I have always been bordering on sharing 'too much information' when I speak to people. I have also almost always stood very close to the fine line between saying what needs to be said and 'pushing my luck.' However, when I share all my issues and problems oftentimes it makes other people not feel so bad. Other times if I am confrontational it helps them in a 'tough love' sort of way.
Most people in this world cannot STAND me because of this, to be honest. And I must confess it is hard to go through life with such few friends as a result of my transparency. LOL However, the few friends I have actually do respect me because at least they know I am an honest person as semi-crazy as I am.
And I am pretty much like Clarence, sort of a misfit and a black sheep. I have been all my life. Sometimes it feels like a curse, but other times when I know I have had a positive impact on others in some way it feels good. The reason why is I've been said more than once that things I say were what people 'needed to hear at the time' even though I had NO idea what was going on in their lives.
What exactly is the point??
The point is whether every one of us realizes it or not we all have a purpose (even me ha ha) . As for me, there are times when I think my only purpose in life is to use my semi-craziness (the flipside of semi-normal) to drive other people crazy.
However, it has happened many a times when I would have all this "stuff" in my brain to release-all this stuff to say either in writing (usually in writing) or in speech (though not often in speech because I am not that good of a talker at times).
And all this "stuff" I seem to have to say that seems so urgent often ends up being something that is relevant to a person's life right when the person needs to hear it. However, I often do not share the things I need to say in the 'you' point of view directed at that person.
In fact, I almost never do. Therefore, I have often been accused of being very self-absorbed and very self-centered. However, I talk about myself alot on purpose. It is because I hope that in dealing with my own issues and venting about my own problems that other people can learn from it-that other people can identify with my issues to come to their own resolutions in life.
Conclusion: About my Obsessive Transparency
My life lately has embarrassingly an open book (which I brought on myself). I know I don't have to 'expose myself' so much. But I do it anyway. Then later I want to run and hide, but it's already too late because what is done is done.
In any case, my obsessive need to tell the world more about myself than most people would tell about themselves is in a way a form of therapy. After all, it is way less expensive to blog than it is to sit in therapy session. Likewise, it is also way less expensive to vent to a friend about things going on in my life.
In the process of doing so I take a huge risk But why do I do it? It's in the hopes that people will identify with me and ride this journey with me and thus find their own answers in life.
So, if people look at me and think I am crazy when they hear me talk or they read things I write, let them. I know deep down inside who I really am. I never want to hurt anyone and do my best to apologize for times that I have said things I never should have said.
I am just hoping though that good comes out of it all. I am hoping that I myself as well as other people are better people because of my transparency, as I feel often like I am 'jumping in the river to save George.'